Hitting a Wall

Just when I was sure that things couldn't get any easier, week two went and knocked me on my ass! I have been missing postings, missing workouts and feeling utterly exhausted! I kind of feel like I am failing, backsliding this week.

To get some perspective I looked at my calendar from the last two weeks.
During week one: I was pretty good about working out, I started a food group, had drinks with my co-founder, the first meeting of the Foodie Club (EWI), the Cannoli experiment and a good Trader Joe's run.
This week: I have missed workouts several days, my blogging has been inconsistent, I am trying to plan the next EWI meeting on Sunday, I had dinner with Gussie, am having drinks with her tonight, went to the CUNY mixer and a Freelance class, I'm walking to Chinatown tomorrow and attempting to make homemade pasta and scallops on Saturday night.

I guess I have been busy, but it just doesn't feel as good. I wonder why. I am house sitting in the West Village this weekend, and that apartment always inspires me to write, hell it inspired me to start The Experiment, I think writing and re-focusing will be good. This experience is meant to push me, propel me, inspire me into the life I want and create some clarity as to what direction I should let my future take. I am feeling pretty lost and a little beaten down this week, but I guess I am still following the goals.

My wonderful, amazing boyfriend sent me a nice surprise in the mail: casino winning from Vegas. He was so excited to give it to me and to hear my reaction. Someone decided that they needed the money more and stole it right out of the sweet card, stuffing the mangled greeting back into a priority envelope. To hear the hurt and disappointment in D.'s voice was almost more than I could bear! It's just money, it would have been a really nice perk after the pay cuts and frustrations this week, but I am really trying to not let this upset me. I know it always comes back in one way or another, but for some reason it makes me so so sad. I have been ugly and bitter at work this week, and that makes me sad. I don't know what to do with my life and that makes me sad. All the joy of The Experiment is taking a beating this week and I am desperate to get it back!

It is my life and I choose passion and joy and adventure! That is my mantra and no one can take those things away unless I let them. I am going to continue to chant and push on through. I still have two and a half days to meet my goals for week 2 and to take back the smile that is rightfully mine.