Week 3

Yesterday was an improvement, I was feeling hopeful and focused and ready for all the possibilities the week had in-store! I made plans to go rowing on the Hudson tonight and I am so counting it as both a social event and an NYC experience. I also have an interview today. My cynical ass is not holding out much hope, but I figure it is good for me to get back in the swing of the interview process.

I am absolutely thrilled to be heading back to KY/TN this weekend! It sounds crazy, but visiting my best friend there feels like a homecoming. I suppose that all the places I have lived have a home-like quality. It is bittersweet to go to these places and see that they have all gone on without you. Though I long for places that were once home, the truth is, the only real home is the one your are in. You can't go back, that's what they say, and that is probably the truth, but desire does not bend its will to reason.

I am going to make my recipe of the week while I'm down there: Seared scallops with homemade pasta and a lemon butter sauce. Hopefully I will be able to keep up my workouts down there too.

I have been looking for clarity, looking for passion, looking for myself and my future. The one thing I have stumbled upon is love. It seems that in finding myself and building my life alone, I have been draw back to the man with whom I have shared the last three years. He sees me again and he makes me smile. The tentative side of me, the side that has been disappointed and hurt so many times before keeps saying "we'll see, is it all really going to be different?" But the other voice in my mind is eager, eager to love with reckless abandon, ready to dream, no matter how likely to fail, eager to believe in this man who I love so much.

I can see my future in his eyes, and it is beautiful.