Good Intentions

You know about the road to hell, well, the road back to my apartment is paved with good intentions as well. It is 5:55pm and I am sooo not going rowing. I am going to go with my friend Gus next week, but for tonight, I just want to run home and hide in my apartment.

Today was rough. I woke-up this morning with the distinct feeling of an icepick being stuck in my brain at random intervals, this sensation did not improve. This alone is enough to set me on edge, but, of course, today was a very "hands-on" day for my usually innocuous boss. Oh yes, and her crazy was on full-blast. Getting her golf clubs picked-up took precedence over a legal contract, and I was lambasted for not knowing what the hell the contract was for. I not-so-kindly reminded her that I am not an architect or a lawyer, I just try to type the damn thing.

My paranoia is on full tilt today as well, I have nearly convinced myself that the pain in my head is a brain aneurysm. I have been on the verge of a panic attack all day, and I am finding it difficult to breath, even sitting down. I though rowing might be a good way to "get it out of my system", but I think another trip on the subway would put me over the edge. So, back to my hole.

I am not pleased with myself, the way I am weaseling out of my weekly list, but Thank God its Monday Night, now 6:05pm. I have a full week ahead of me to do better, and the worst day of the week is behind me! Oh shit. I just realized it's Tuesday, well, I suppose the above mentioned sentiments still apply, but my brain aneurysm theory is gaining steam. For tonight I will try to put it all behind me and push the guilt aside as I lose myself in Mad Men and vegetarian chicken patties. Tomorrow is a new day.......

Actually, fuck that! If I wanna curl up alone on my couch with frozen food and bad TV, that is my perogitive! The point of the experiment is to make sure I don't do that every night. It would be just like me to overshoot and fly to the other end of the spectrum. Ugh. I am going to see Jo this weekend, perhaps Kaitlin tomorrow, the EWI group on Tuesday, Gus on Thursday, I certainly can be called a hermit no longer. So FUCK you little voice, hmm, my brain anyurism is starting to relax, fancy that. Well, enough of crazy bosses and crazy Fi, tomorrow really is a new day.