Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

I am sitting at the bottom of the proverbial well. Tired, bored, dejected, gazing up at the spot of light that I remember as my happy life. The one thought booming in my mind is "Why?"

I have been getting lower and lower the last couple days and now I am decidedly down. I pray I can just blame this on PMS, but that begs the question- why haven't I felt this way the last few periods? The worst part may be the not knowing or understanding. As I have gotten older, have I also crawled onto the denial train? Am I too afraid to see what's the matter?

I missed my workouts yesterday and today, I feel 500 pounds, but more troubling still is the sense of apathy and bleak tomorrows. I hate it when I feel this way. It came so quickly. I was feeling on top of the world, excited about tomorrow and today, happy with my daily debacles. From my dark hole I wonder how anything seemed interesting or exciting before. I just want to cry. I want to cry because I can't find any good broker's to make my apartment hunt easier. I want to cry because my boss is being a bitch and I can't just walk out. I want to cry because my tummy is puffy. I want to cry and run away because my Aunt is coming in two days and my 3 year anniversary is in three days. I want to cry and cry and cry and then kick something.

Oddly, my tirade here reminds me of a tirade I may have had last month... hmm.. I will have to go back and see. I hope it is just PMS. I am just so tired and I have so many things on my mind. I am worried about me and D. I think that is what I don't want to look at, don't even want to speak. I hope it is just PMS. I just don't want to think anymore, but I do want to know what changed. What made me so happy and alive before and what is missing that I feel so dead inside now?

Help Me! Help Me! I have fallen into an ugly pit of anger and sorrow and BITCHINESS! And I really don't know if I can get up.