Savor

Tonight I decided make green pea soup with baguette for dinner. I had been housebound all day, tired and studying for the Foreign Service Officer's exam (yes, yet another scheme for the future).

I set-out to the store, knowing the bodega down stairs would not have leeks, I started walking toward the supermarket. On my way I remembered a little gourmet shop with a beautiful produce display out front. Surprisingly, I had never taken the time to go in. I approached the shop and found the leeks right away, the green peas were no where to be found. I sighed and thought about going to the supermarket. "Forget that, stop being so American!" I thought. It is not all about the one-stop shopping.

I found all the lovely produce I needed for my soup, some tomatoes for tomorrow's bruchetta and the most sweetly scented basil I have ever inhaled. The bread was unimpressive, so I decided to stop at the bakery on the way home, perhaps the bodega would have my peas. I found everything I needed and it was such a pleasure buying the best from each who specialized in it. Produce from the gourmand, bread from the baker and soda from the corner store!

I returned home and began preparing my soup. I recalled the one weak point in the dish being the difficulty in adding enough spice to it. I always feel as though I am adding an inordinate amount of salt and pepper. I decided to step it up. I added black sea salt with herbs de Provence, then I seeded a Thai pepper to slip in toward the end of cooking. I also decided that rather than baguette, I would make my Parmesan garlic toast for tomorrow and use them as croutons for the soup. The result was a symphony of flavors. They were simple and harmonious and bold. Perhaps that is what my life is shaping up to be.

Perhaps I am not going to find a "one-stop shop" life, a career that fulfills all my passions in one shot. Perhaps I am silly for thinking all the life inside of me can be taken care of with a job. I am not saying that I am going to keep working as an office assistant, no, but I should realize that the answer to crafting the perfect life does not lie in a career alone. When looking at my potential paths I suppose I must ask myself if they are to be foundations, like the potatoes, merely facilitating my life (lawyering), like the Thai chili- adding the intensity of flavor, but not the substance (Food Studies), the peas-steering the dish (Foreign Service Officer) or some combination of the three- coming together with all the other pleasures of friends and adventures to create something amazing.

I don't know what tomorrow brings anymore than I knew I was going to have a craving for green pea soup, but I do think that the clarity and inspiration that will guide my future will be as easy as adding flavor to a dish I know so well. I just need to stop trying to rush back to my empty apartment and savor the adventure of choosing my ingredients. That is what the experiment is about, forcing myself to build the life I want and stop living the bland life I kept microwaving for myself.

The end of week 7 is approaching, and my final week of solitary self exploration is here. D comes home one week from today. I am excited to see him and anxious to see how the experiment of my life is affected by his presence. I don't think I will slip back into my hermit ways when I am again coming home to him. I was less social this week than in weeks past, but I have still come along way compared to seven weeks ago. I think it is time to reevaluate anyways, time to step it up. Perhaps his return will not be the end of the experiment, but the beginning of a new one.