Holy Shit It's Humpday of Week 7

Wow, time does fly! Every year it seems to go faster and faster. It scares me. I have always been so fearless and I think that came from the beautiful youthful freedom of believing in your own immortality. I'm not so sure about that anymore! Anyways, it's humpday and I am trying to get caught-up, trying to get the birds-eye view of my week. It helps my concentration having my boss on a cross-country flight to Alaska!

Well, I have done nothing but go home and sit on my ass so far this week. Hey, thank goodness it's only Wednesday! I have been working-out religiously, I have an EWI event planned for Sunday, I am writing right now, I need to work on my food studies personal statement. I need to figure out my recipe of the week, NYC experience and try to do something social. Looking at my calendar I have quite a bit of sitting-on-my-ass time scheduled. I guess that is good for working on my projects, but I am afraid of falling into old habits.

Hopefully, this week I will find out what the next step is for the VA job. I am not totally sold on it. It is better hours, a bit better pay, and a better title. What's not to like, right? I suppose I have gotten comfortable here. My job is silly and frustrating, but I have a few friends and some days are good. I guess I also don't want to feel bad when I quit to go to school. I would feel like a jerk if I took the job and then quit a few months later to go to NYU. What am I saying though, I did take the job. They offered, I tentatively accepted, now I need to start the pre-employment process. Nothing is easy or fast with the government! I am going to do what I always do, flog my fear by diving in headfirst. It is much easier for me than indulging the whiner within, the one clinging to the familiar. I do hope I can allow myself to cling to the familiar someday. To have a place to call home, a place where people know me and love me and are not going to be deployed or moved away from me on a two year rotation. Until then, I am going to cling to my other nature: brazen adventure and change.

Well, the day is young, we'll see what I can come-up with for the rest of the week.

The Experiment

August 2, 2009

I have been moving around my entire adult life. In the military and after, I have been searching for home. I have ended up, like so many before me, in New York City. I am approaching my one year mark and I still feel a bit like I am outside looking-in. being in a relationship can do this as well, you are comfortable in each other’s company and therefore do not venture out as much as you might if left to your own devices.

My boyfriend of the last three years is in Las Vegas, working on a television show for the next 5 weeks. After he comes home and starts making more money he is planning on moving out of our home and getting his own place. There is nothing wrong with our relationship, per se, but he feels the need to get out on his own. He has felt this way for awhile, but I am now amenable to this idea. You see, we don’t fight anymore. We get along great and truly love each other, but with the fights went some of our passion. There is nothing wrong, but there is something not right as well. He, being a man, wants it all: his own place and a devoted woman. This may very well work, but it also may not. His 5 week absence will serve as a good preview of what my life will be like having someone without the daily comforts of our shared routine. This brings me to my experiment.

Well, I am about to embark on an experiment to see if I can change my life and find out what I truly want in the process. You see, when you are in a relationship you tend to start thinking in terms of what he wants or what we want. You should, but in the process, I have forgotten some of the things I want. I am 25, a military veteran, a college graduate and an utterly lost executive assistant, I need to find out what it is I am still longing for. I don’t know if I should go to Law School to make the big bucks, go for a Journalism MA so I can write and get paid for it, find a job where I can meet interesting people and travel the world (does that exist?), basically what I should do to get from the life I am living now to the life I want. I am also lonely.

I have set several weekly goals for myself: one new recipe, 5-6 workouts, one dinner party, one new piece of writing, one NYC experience and one social connection per week. These may seem small and silly, but they all have purposes centered around my passions, and what better roadmap for life can one have but their passions? One new recipe: I love cooking, but typically only create grand meals if there is someone else enjoying them. 5-6 workouts: I am in New York and why not focus on getting thin and sexy while my time is my own (I also have gained a ghastly 8 pounds and need to shave them off)? One dinner party: this is a combination of my love of cooking and the fact that I promised some friends from work I would put it together, I am likely to flake-out on these types of ideas and that needs to change! One new piece of writing: If I want to be a writer, I need to write. One NYC experience: it is high time I start taking advantage of the magically city I give most of my paycheck to live in, also a great way to meet people. One social connection: I love people, but am terrible at making new friends, if I am to have the life I want, I must meet and foster new relationships. So, there it is. Can I craft a life full of friends, adventure, passion and excitement on the salary of an executive assistant in only 5 weeks, oh, and figure out what to do with my life? I am about to find out.

Week 1:

Game Plan- Check
Writing- Check