Deja Vu and Impossible Memories

Deja Vu is a fleeting phenomenon for most, a mere moment of familiarity. The haunting I feel is more than a fleeting sense of remembrance, it is almost as though I have memories and a homesickness for a time before I ever existed.

I have always felt a longing for the past, watching films from bygone eras and feeling an uncanny sentimental ache. As I have grown older and begun to seek out vintage clothing and mid century modern decor, the feeling of comfort these items evoke is almost unnerving.

Walking through the booths of fading objects in the flea market I feel as though I am looking at my own belongings from another life. The romance and intensity of the
40's, the class and pride of 50's and the moments quivering between the traditions of the past and the tumultuous future of the early 60's, these are the times I "remember".

I am not lost in the 21st century, I am capable and unafraid, but these "memories", this sense of deja vu, what do they mean?

I don't believe in reincarnation, but the soul is a mysterious thing, unencumbered by the laws of time and space, it gives me reason to pause and wonder.

I have always been so much older, always felt a bit out of place. I wonder if my soul is a bit older than my body, if God in all his infinite wisdom created me before my time. All I know is that this seemingly insane line of reasoning feels like the most authentic explanation I have found for my old soul and my impossible memories. I suppose the only question is, why? As I have stumbled upon my "past" I suppose the answer to that question will present itself in it's own time as well.

Believing that the comfort and belonging I feel as I look at objects of the past is real and not just romantic notions gives me a sense of peace. Perhaps deja vu is merely glimpses of the present, past and future as our souls see them, as God sees them, as simultaneous, as layers rather than one long line. This makes me feel small, and makes me grateful that I have a God bigger than the bounds of this world.