Closing Doors and Open Horizons

Well, it was my last week at RRA. I had a mild case of the flu, I only worked-out once and I barely touched my stove! It was a good week though. As one chapter closes, the next is taking form. I am going to miss seeing M. and G at work everyday, but I am determined to keep them in my life. I am going to keep working for RRA a few hours a week to make some extra money, and because I am a sucker who can't let go! My crazy boss was gracious and her outpouring of support and appreciation really touched me. I feel my greatest success during my crazy time there was the fact that I was able to maintain positive relationships with everyone there. I did not let the crazy change me. Or maybe it did. I am able to see my oppressive and offensive boss for the woman behind the tyranny, and I have no ill will toward her at all. That's pretty cool. My last day was celebrated with a big salad lunch, wine at the end of the day and my special gift to them: a detailed (very sarcastic) "how-to" Manuel on my insane job!

The festivities continued at Momofuku Fried Chicken Dinner with DeShon, Gus and Hen, Kaitlin and her brother and Kyung. The food was ok, but the dinner was a blast! It was so wonderful to share a meal and celebrate with a few of my favorite people in New York. To me, that is what the good life is. Simple, yet sometimes so hard to attain.

Beard on Books on Wednesday gave me a renewed sense of excitement at the thought of joining the ranks at NYU's Food Studies Program. The book, Gastropolis, was written by a collection of professors there, and there were several current students in the audience. The girls told me that the program was phenomenal and that spring semester admissions decisions were being made this week! Hopefully I will hear something next week. These people speak my language; seeing food as more than caloric necessities for life, but as the most intimate picture of who we are as a culture. I still have my hesitations, but they are slowly fading away in the bright light of my excitement. We will see what the future holds for me.

I had a dream last night, likely spurred-on by my new job starting on Monday (and the fact I still don't know what I am going to be doing!) and my ponderings about the future. I had arrived at a large, crowded building for my first day of work and was searching for my supervisor. The head of marketing at Food Network stepped out of the crowd and excitedly said, "You must be Felicia! I am so glad to finally meet you in person." then she exclaimed, "You are so thin! Much thinner than most of the new arrivals!" She began to lead me through the offices, chatting with me about new cookbooks and recipes I had tried, and I could not stop smiling. I could not wait to see what came next. Then I woke-up. It was the sort of dream that makes you squeeze your eyes back shut, desperately trying to get back to it. How amazing if I could find a life that made me feel that way, that made me never want to shut my eyes again.

I feel like I am getting there, on my way to that place. Until then, I have bread baking in Brooklyn on Sunday, a Tapas party on Monday and a Post-Thanksgiving fete next Friday! All that and a new job next week! I may still want to curl-up and close my eyes from time to time, but I have a pretty great life, punctuated by a store of hopes and dreams.

Rhythm of Life

I have fallen into a nice rhythm of life. My weekly goals have become more of a checklist, a way to schedule my time, almost effortless. EWI has blossomed into an organization that needs to be nurtured, but is relatively self sustaining. It is my imagination and desires that determine the direction, as megalomaniac as that sound, it seems that people want or need someone to lead the charge. I push myself in the kitchen and in the gym, but not obsessively. I have learned to cut myself some slack. The longer I ponder my future, the brighter it becomes. Passion is my north star, and as unpredictable as it may seem, it has been my constant. My applications are all in, my third step in the FSO process is complete, and all I have to do is wait. Wait and enjoy.

For the first time in my life waiting is not rot with nauseating impatience and anxiety. I feel only curiosity, excitement and, dare I say, hope. The vague picture of the future I have is like a Monet: beautiful, recognizable, but with soft details. I feel that this is where God works best. Let him workout the details!

Life is not perfect, but it is good. My apartment, for example, I looked for something better and found that it was by far the best I could afford right now. This made me appreciate it more, and I am happily obsessing over re-designs, my mind aflutter with midcentury modern accents and nods to the style and feeling I want to evoke. I can't afford it all, but I am doing a fine job working with what I have. Perhaps this is what contentment is.

I have an exciting week ahead of me. Tonight I am hosting an Afghani tasting, I am attending another Beard on Books on Wednesday where I hope to speak with someone about using the space, I have Momofuku chicken dinner on Friday, I am trying to plan a Tamale demo for EWI at a new member's loft for Saturday and it is my last full time week at RRA. My job itself is sure to be completely insane this week due to my impending departure, but what a joy that my life outside of those 40-someodd hours is enough to color my experience. Who knows, perhaps my brother will get his rehab date and I will get an acceptance letter this week as well!

I am about to start my Korean cooking for tomorrow's dinner, something I have been putting off for a few weeks! At this rate my "Eating/Cooking around the World" project will take me the next 25 years! Se La Vi. I know this Serene calm, this quiet contentment will not last, life is a stormy journey, but the place I have arrived makes even this thought unaffecting. Through it all, the love, the loss, the adventure and the pain, I have survived. Better than survived, I have lived. At the end of the day, what more can anyone really ask for?