I went to the gynecologist at the VA a couple weeks ago. I had a bad experience last year with a fellow who literally drew blood during my PAP with his barbaric methods, and I was relieved that I had a different doctor this time. My relief was short lived.
The tall sallow-faced doctor began asking me standard questions until he came across my IUD in the chart. With an eyebrow raised, he asked me why someone who did not yet have children had such an invasive birth control device. I told him that I suffered from migraines and the hormones in the pill don't agree with me.
He was still perplexed.
He asked me flat out, "So, do you ever want to have children?" A bit startled, I muttered something about possibly wanting them at some point, but not now. He then asked, "Do you want children with your current partner?". Startled further, I explained that I had just come out of a 4 year relationship and was not currently seeing anyone. This sent him into a lecture on the fact that getting an infection with an IUD can make one infertile. I stammered that I was not sexually active, but would definitely use a condom if that changed. He was unmoved, he went on to tell me to think long and hard about any future partners, sleeping with them was risking my fertility and "they better be worth it".
Thankfully, the Q&A section was almost over and I was getting ready to disrobe. He then realized that my period had just ended and said their might be some, "residual still up-in-there". He swiftly asked me to reschedule. Seriously? Well, he is the doctor, maybe there is something about blood and tests that I don't know about. I went out front and reschedule for today.
Making my way down to the basement where the VA banished the gyn clinic, I was not looking forward to another meeting with doctor strange love. After chatting with the nurses and patients and re-filling-out all the damned forms, he finally called me in. He looked puzzled, he said, "you look different, I don't even recognize you!" Confused, I told him I dyed my hair and perhaps it was styled differently last time. He continued to stare. Finally, he shrugged and said, "Well, whatever it is, it looks very complimentary". Weird.
I was careful during Q&A, not wanting to set him off again. I made it through relatively unscathed and was taken to the exam table. It got weirder. During my breast exam he began making awkward small talk, asking about where I was from etc. Moving to the "main event", he decided to mention that my IUD string was quite long. Okaaaaay. He then asked me, "has anyone mentioned your IUD string to you?"
What the fuck?
I told him that my ex once told me he could feel it. He proceeded to ask, "with his fingers?" I was a bit taken aback and said, "No, while he was, um, inside me".
He nodded and said nothing.
I then asked if it could be a problem or an indication that it was coming out. I fully expected him to laugh, like all the other doctor's had when I asked similar questions, but no, he looked at me with a strait face and said, "It's possible, but you haven't gotten pregnant yet."
After this startling proclamation, he simply went over to his computer and began typing notes.
I was aghast!
"Well, I would like to know if there is a problem BEFORE I get pregnant! That's the whole point." He shrugged again and told me he would schedule an ultrasound so they could look at the placement. He said he wanted me to come back to see him a couple weeks later so he could read me my results.
Now, the first thought through my mind was, "if this guy is making all this up just so I will come in for a follow-up to see him, there will be hell to pay!" This thought was quickly replaced by a deep concern that I was becoming cripplingly paranoid.
On my way out tonight I stopped by Little Boss's office. I make a habit of coming in to shoot the shit and gossip about other employees with her. I began telling her about the dungeon of GYN and how awkward my visit was. It was only after my story left her gripping the desk in fits of laughter that I realized, "I'm not paranoid! This guy is a weirdo!"
I don't know how I find these people, or why, but my life seems to be a zoo of strange and bizarre individuals. Interesting that the first man to see "The Cat" since my breakup would be a crack-pot gynecologist, at least I was able to wait until the second "date". I guarantee there will not be a third!
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