God it feels good to be alive again! I have been living in my head for a few days, stuck somewhere between the future and staring down at the feet of my present. I was dreary and gray and pieces of me were floating back and forth. Today all the pieces of me came together and I felt ever step, every beat, every breath.
I am here, I am back, I am ready for today! I am centered in the greatness of the present and the glow at the crest of the hill I am walking up. Thank God. I hate the dead days, the dead weeks and moments.
Everything is good. Not everything is how I want it to be. I am still at the same silly job, I am still waiting in limbo for many things, but today, at this moment, I am fucking awesome, so life is good.
It is amazing how good it can feel to not feel. Like being loaded. Everything just feels great, all the problems and stresses of life bleeding into the background. They have had their time, I let anxiety have his way with me and now that he is done, I am flooded with euphoric relief.
I may sound a bit bi-polar, and maybe I am, but I will take the good days at the cost of the gray ones. It is amazing to feel whole. It is amazing to know that the most fantastic part of your life is you, the only thing you are assured of holding onto.
The sparkling mirage of my existence is all around me, all the things I want swirling around the present me from past and future, all of it at my fingertips.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
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